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Just Droning about Christmas

A tongue-in-cheek look at Christmas from the editor

In the words of Queen, “I want to break free”.  You know what, I just can’t.  I blame my children (now in their twenties) but unless certain things are the same, it just isn’t Christmas.  So the run up will see me pouring over food magazines, searching for that innovative, unctuous trifle to go in my grandma’s crystal bowl, or a new take on the Christmas pud and, of course, a fun idea for decorating the cake, but which cake recipe?  Despite my best intentions, it will end the same way as every other year with an expedition to find currants, suet and barley wine for our traditional family favourites.

It’s not the same with the decorations though.  Oh no, I may have a shed full of boxes but we all need a refresher or two – the latest gizmos in lights, shiny new balls and something to brighten up outside.  Remember the craze for Father Christmas climbing up the drainpipe?  Well I bought a life-sized one and he still comes out, year after year, sitting on a sun lounger by the pool – after all his hard work he deserves a break!  I always join him at some point with a glass of bubbles (here we go with tradition again), leaving the (empty, I’m not that mad) bottle with him so he looks like he’s having a great time.  One year a deer wandered into the garden near where he was lounging – now that was truly surreal!

What are your traditions I wonder?  Do you go off with a ladder in search of mistletoe?  It may be plentiful but it’s always so out of reach!  Have you given up on finding a “proper” turkey that will feed 25 even though there are only eight at the table?  Have you started making your own crackers?  I used to do that using empty toilet rolls but finding the gifts to fit inside proved to be too limiting.  It would have to be one sock not two, and my dad didn’t really like the pink lipstick and nail varnish he finished up with one year either!   Don’t even ask about the jokes!  “Father Christmas came in wet and his wife said reindeer?”, or “What happens to naughty elves?  Santa gives them the sack!”  Ho, Ho, Ho!

Then there are the games and how people play them.  A property game is one of our traditions but it can be a minefield.  A friend actually turned up one year with their own funds hidden down their sock!  Se we hunted out other versions with different “money” but the hotels and houses were the same and would miraculously be built in the blink of an eye.  “C’est terrible” but I was once even offered a bribe not to “out” a cheater.  Going back to “I want to break free”, that was also a frequent occurrence when they’d gone “straight to jail”.  Hilarious!  I hope you aren’t picking up any tips!

Traditional or not, have a wonderful, very happy Christmas.  See you next year.


just droning about christmas

First published in the November/December 2019 issue of The Local Buzz

Images: Shutterstock